Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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