I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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