6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
