dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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