Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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