so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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