yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
