Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
