he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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