Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
