we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So here I am, sexting at work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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