after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
