she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
