community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
