ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
