currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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