Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
