my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
