I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
