biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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