so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
