JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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