Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
