Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
