cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
