You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
