She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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