lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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