dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
