I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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