Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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