I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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