ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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