the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
