At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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