we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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