Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
