Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
