I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
