we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
