All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
