I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
