It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
