fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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