i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
