I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nicole vs. Life
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
