If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
