I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
