how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
never play flip cup with pint glasses
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
