I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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