the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
