I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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