There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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