Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
