Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
