I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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