Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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