this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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