Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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