I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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