made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
