I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
