I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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