she looked like the before picture.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
