You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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