After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
