Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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