i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
