A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
