Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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